Fake friends and finding your feet

I wanted to write about something that’s been bothering me for a while now to get it off my chest.

Finding and maintaining genuine, long-lasting friendships is something that I’ve always struggled with for a multitude of reasons. Now, I don’t have a problem making friends initially, but I do have a tendency to pick the wrong kinds of people. I’ve found myself in the same situation a few times over the last few years and have lost a lot of friends, for various reasons. Something that I’ve learnt along the way is that it never hurts any less to lose a friend.

Over the years I’ve built my walls up. To meet me you’d probably think I’m friendly, a little reserved at times, but happy to make conversation and get to know people. What people don’t see is my lack of trust in people and my scepticism towards building long-lasting friendships; this has literally stemmed from being hurt so many times.

Recently I lost one of my ‘best’ friends, who I have known for a number of years. We were very close and we spoke almost every day. But eventually, like others, she showed her true colours and let me down in the most colossal way.

My question I guess is, how do people learn to trust again after being hurt so many times by friends? I’ve kind of gotten to the point now where I don’t want to put myself out there and that’s hard for me. It’s made me really question why I keep getting into the same situation. However, I honestly believe it’s important not to give up, no matter how hard it gets.

My tips for dealing with fake friends are as follows:

  1. Speak to your friend about what bothers you – true, it can make or break your friendship, but you won’t regret being honest.
  2. Think about how the friendship benefits you. If the negatives outweigh the positives, is it really worth your time?
  3. Know that you DO deserve better. It might be a cliché, but you need to put yourself first and know your worth. Don’t stay in a friendship purely because you think you won’t find other friends (trust me I know, easier said than done!)
  4. Finally, learn to be by yourself. Learn what you like/dislike doing. Understand yourself and who you are. Learn to enjoy your life for YOU!

 

If anyone has any other tips – please let me know! 🙂

 

Photo credit: Heather Lauren Photography / HLP Instagram
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3 thoughts on “Fake friends and finding your feet

  1. I chuckled when I read through this post. It’s so real and true. It’s not easy to find real friends, most of them are wolves in sheep clothing. But yet again, I believe to have a true you have to be true yourself. It does not matter who hurts just keep being true and real and the right ones will find you. Thank you for sharing. It’s a good one

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  2. I seem to see the same pattern in my life as well. I am very choosy as to who is in my life because I know how strong influence is. Every relationship starts out great and yet over time the true colors shine through, colors I will not have within my life. I’ve stopped even trying to make friends. If it happens it does. Meanwhile I have a very full life, one that I created in the fashion I want and I live it to every enth of the way. Being a photographer and writer and taking care of special cats demands a lot of me time, being alone, and for this I am very grateful that I have that in my life. Does it get lonely? Yes. Does it hurt when time after time I tend to grow apart from a relationship? Yes. Would I like things different? Yes. Yet .. I am very unique and OH I *think* outside of the box refusing to go along with the crowd mentality. I’m honest and say what is on my mind as well and oh yeah, I don’t play games. MOST people don’t like those qualities soooooooo I accept my life as is and I find true happiness in it. Hope this helps you!!! 💝🕊🌈

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