These last few months for me have been filled with heartache, confusion, anger and uncertainty and honestly, it’s taken me a lot of time to pluck up the courage to write this post. However, I am doing for a number of reasons. Firstly, I want to have this to look back on should I need it in future. Secondly, I’d like to think that maybe it could be useful to someone else out there going through the same thing. Thirdly, why the hell should I be ashamed to write a post about break-ups because some waste of space decided to treat me like utter crap?! Answer: I shouldn’t. So here goes…
First of all, I think it’s important to say that no matter what you’re going through you are NOT alone. There were a lot of issues between me and my ex that I didn’t think I’d be able to explain to anyone because ‘they wouldn’t understand’, but it’s simply not true. No matter what is bothering you, there is always someone out there that will have been through the same or at least similar.
It’s far too easy to wallow after a break-up. I seem to go through grief-like stages every day; one day I’m ok and I feel positive about the future, the next day I’m in bed crying myself to sleep. It seems like a never-ending cycle. But it will end. And when it does end, I know I’ll be able to handle anything. I also won’t make the same mistakes going forward.
I think most people in relationships sacrifice things for their partner, whether it’s sacrificing your career or the cheese you so desperately want on your shared garlic bread. For me, I sacrificed a lot. I missed out on opportunities because my partner couldn’t/wouldn’t go. I spent countless hours in the car driving from one end of the country to the other just to see him for a night or two. I had to sacrifice how I felt in order to keep his secrets for him. I sacrificed a lot of myself to that relationship and it wasn’t reciprocated.
It’s easy to look back in anger and to continue feeling hurt, but it doesn’t fix the problem. No matter how hard you try, you can’t force someone to see their mistakes and to feel remorseful. But you can change your own path. You can become the best version of yourself and make yourself happy. As cheesy as that may sound.
These are the things I’ve learnt, that are helping me through this giant hurdle in my life:
- It’s ok to cry. Let it out. Just don’t let it take over your life.
- Taking time for yourself is SO IMPORTANT! Whether it’s focusing on your career, making new friends or just sitting in the bath with a book. Get to know you and what YOU want from YOUR life.
- You shouldn’t have to make excuses for other people. I spent so long making excuses for my ex’s behaviour towards people and towards me and it’s not right.
- Writing things down helps. Feelings, hopes for the future, reasons why you are better off without them – anything, just get it out of your head and on the paper. Even throw it in the bin afterwards if you don’t want to look at it.
- Take each day as it comes. Each hour. Each minute if necessary. There is no time scale on how long a broken heart takes to heal. What’s important is that you let it.
To myself and anyone out there going through a break-up – make your life everything you want it to be, you deserve so much better and you got this!